He must increase, but I must decrease
This is something I've been thinking about for a while.
I'm not quite sure exactly what to do - how to do it - but, I know that He must increase in my life, and I must decrease.
I am in the way.
I can't get any closer to Him unless I make some changes.
It's not Him; it's me.
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So, what to change, exactly? What takes my eyes off Him?
I don't struggle with alcohol or drugs. Or workaholism. Or gluttony. But that doesn't mean I don't have sin in my life.
So, what is it?
I struggle with excess.
Materialism.
Wanting things.
Buying things.
Clothes for me. Clothes for Rooney. Home decorations.
I buy a lot of clothes. Almost $500 worth of new clothing goes to hang in my closet every year. And I want even more than I buy.
I'm constantly looking at my wish list and adding things. That's how I spend a lot of my time. Searching, browsing, buying, placing orders.
But this year I've noticed that even if I buy the thing I think I really really want, something else immediately takes its place. I keep buying things, but my wish list never decreases to zero.
This is a problem.
Packages show up on our doorstep, but it's just stuff.
It's excessive. It doesn't make me truly happy. It makes me feel silly.
It clutters our home. And it's clouding my view. I'm missing what life is really about.
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I want to give more. I want to be a better wife; a helper. I want to teach my daughter that she matters more to me than what she wears. I want a beautiful life...one that reflects God and beauty and simplicity.
Again, I'm not exactly sure how to do this.
Should I stop buying? Should I commit to a year off?
I have willpower now, but in two months will I be begging to buy yet another linen T-shirt? They really are my favorite, but how many do I need?
I’ve gone 30 days without shopping three separate times, but that didn't do the trick. That’s not hard because you can still make a list and buy it all at the end. Nothing will go on sale and out of season before the 30 days are over.
So I'm gonna start with three months and see how it goes.
I will not buy any clothes for myself until at least April 1.
Maybe I'll go longer. But hopefully, I'll at least experience the peace of not looking at Madewell and Old Navy every time they have a sale and making a list of things I "need."
Because I have enough, and it doesn't make me truly happy. It takes me away from Him.
I've never been one to make resolutions on Jan. 1, but I guess that's what this is.
Happy new year, friends.