baking vs baby-making (Chocolate Chip Cookies)

I've been thinking a lot lately about when we're going to have another baby. I think it's a normal thing to do, but it can become obsessive. And it's really easy to compare myself to others who ARE having more babies, which then makes me feel "behind" in life or like I must not enjoy parenthood as much as them, because Rooney is 2 years old and we're not ready for another one yet. Eric and I have both agreed that at some point we'd like to have one more kid, but not right now.

Which is really a great place to be, in agreement, with one lovely kiddo who can feed herself with a fork. So why can't I just be content and enjoy it? We both always thought we'd have our kids three years apart, which would mean I would need to get pregnant in two weeks. It's the spacing our parents used and what we always felt would be right for us, but now that the time is here, we're not feeling ready in many ways. Which can be confusing and frustrating. For a while I was internally blaming Eric, but if I'm being honest, even if he came home one day and said he REALLY wanted another baby right NOW, I'd be hesitant. I could possibly be persuaded, but I would like to wait at least six months, even though some of our other "not-ready-yet" factors may not be resolved by then.

So I decided that every time I find myself putting energy into feeling "behind" in life, or like a mom failure for not feeling ready for another baby, I'm going to channel that energy into something else. And one thing I would like to do more of is bake, so that's what I'm going to do.

Every time I feel like I want another baby, I'm going to bake cookies.

I started this past weekend. Batch #1 turned out amazing, adapted from this recipe on Food52.

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

2 1/8 c all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp Real Salt
1 1/2 c regular semisweet chocolate chips
1 c large bittersweet chocolate chips
1 c unsalted butter, room temperature
1 c brown sugar, tightly packed
1/2 c white sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp pure vanilla extract 

Yum yum.

Happy baking, or baby-making. Whichever you prefer.